Humor

Fidel Castro wants to play for the Florida Marlins Havana - December 14, 2005 (Prensa Letrina) - Cuban president for life Fidel Castro wants to play next year for the Florida Marlins baseball team. Castro sent a video that shows him sliding head first into a bunch of chairs as proof of his abilities as a base stealer. Asked by a reporter if he could steal more bases than Juan Pierre, the Marlins lead base stealer, Castro said "I steal everything. I stole all the companies in Cuba, I stole billions from the USSR, from Canada, Spain, France, Italy and now I am stealing everything from Venezuela." When the reporter asked if he could steal any bases, the Cuban dictator said "I am sure that I can steal any base except Guantanamo base. I am crazy, but not THAT crazy." The Cuban president for life said that the following conditions would become part of any agreement that he signs with the Florida Marlins: 1.- He would be named owner, president, general manager, first base coach, third base coach, batting coach and pitching coach of the team. 2.- His foreign minister Felipe Perez Roque would be named bat boy. 3.- If the Marlins can find a baseball cap big enough to fit him, Ricardo "Ballon Head" Alarcon, would be named designated hitter. 4.- His brother Raul Castro would be named cheer leader of the Marlins. So far, the Marlins have not responded to Castro's offer.

What is the relationship between the Cuban peso, the pound and the dollar? One pound of Cuban pesos = 1 dollar

A Canadian tourist enters a music store in Havana and asks the employee: "Do you have the song 'Dying of Love' by the Cabrisas Sisters in 45 revolutions?" The employee: " No, we do not have that one, but we do have 'Dying from Hunger' by the Castro Brothers in one revolution."

Fidel dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, St. Peter tells him that he is not on the list and that no way,

So Fidel goes to hell where Satan gives him a hearty welcome and tells him to make himself at home.

Then Fidel notices that he left his luggage in heaven and tells Satan, who says, "No hay problema, I'll send a

When the little devils get to heaven they find the gates are locked - St.Peter is having lunch - and they start

Finally, one comes up with the idea that they should go over the wall and get the luggage.

As they are climbing the wall, two little angels see them, and one angel says to the other, "My goodness!

Fidel has been in hell no more than ten minutes and we're already getting refugees!"

St Peter came to the Lord and said, "I have to talk to you. We have some Cubans up here who are causing problems. My flute is missing, mojo sauce is all over their robes, they are making guayaberas from their robes, they have domino tables in the cafeteria, and they're wearing baseball caps instead of their halos. They refuse to stop making Cuban coffee on the heaven's stairs, and some of them are walking around with just one wing." The Lord said, "Cubans are Cubans, Peter. Heaven is home to all my children. If you want to know about real problems, call the Devil". The Devil answered the phone "Hello? Damn, hold on a minute". The Devil returned to the phone, "O.K., I'm back. What can I do for you?" Peter replied "I just want to know what kind of problems you're having down there". The Devil said "Hold on again. I need to check on something". After about 5 minutes the Devil returned to the phone and said "I'm back. Now what was the question?" Peter said "What kind of problems are you having down there?" The Devil said "Man, I don't believe this....Hold on". This time the Devil was gone 15 minutes. The Devil returned and said, "I'm sorry Peter, I can't talk right now. Those damn Cubans have put out the fire and are trying to install air conditioning"

“I have this 1951 refrigerator that I’m selling for “This other model is in great shape and you

25 dollars + 75% Tax and $25 delivery. would never know if the electricity is on or off

“What about this old pot for only $50? “This comrade just bought one electric fan for $15.

I have 2 more left. There is a manual switch for it to

operate without power. This is a real bargain and

remember that I never lie”

"I only have one of this. It's my grandmother's "As you can see here it was built in 1862, it's

hot plate and it has great sentimental value. almost as old as I am"

But I'll let it go for 15 dollars because I really

need the money"

"Here is another real bargain. This electric rice cooker "It is empty now but I'll throw some rice in for another

has only been used when there has been power, so it $10 and a chicken drumstick for $15 more. A real bargain"

is almost brand new. A bargain at $25"

On a recent visit to Cuba, Russian president Vladimir Putin saw that all Cubans were wearing broken shoes. He asked Castro how come after 46 years of socialism Cubans didn't have any good shoes to wear. Castro asked him: "And are things any different in Russia?"

Putin answered back that yes, things were different and if he wanted he could come with him to Russia and if he found anyone wearing broken shoes he had his permission to shoot him.

Castro and Putin headed to Russia in Putin's plane and as soon as Castro came out of the plane he saw a person wearing broken shoes. Castro took his pistol and shot him.

Gallup sent a pollster to Cuba to conduct a poll about life in Cuba before and after Castro. He asked the only man who would speak to him how life was in Cuba before the Revolution. The man replied that everyone lived on the edge of a cliff. "And after the Revolution?" the reporter queried. "Well, we took a big step forward."

Do you know how Havana residents call the buses? Aspirins. Because you can only take one every six hours.